How is the state of your relationship?
Coming to the end of another year and beginning a New Year a lot of people start looking closely at their lives, their relationships and what makes them really happy. Being in a long term relationship isn’t always easy, it takes work. Before you decide your relationship isn’t working try these 5 tips to try and improve the quality of the relationship.
1. Know your partners love language. –Gary Chapman’s book the 5 love languages.
Find each of your love languages and speak each other’s language. It really helps knowing what makes them happy and feel special and appreciated! Sometimes it’s not about your own needs; if you can meet your partner’s needs
they can then mirror your actions and meet your needs. So talk with one another about how you can fore fill each other’s love language needs to reconnect.
2. Communicate and Repair Conflict. Apologise, compromise and forgive so you can both move on. Don’t allow pride and defensiveness get in the way of saying I am sorry or I love you! If you can’t initially talk civilly then take a breather and discuss the issue once you are both calmer. Don’t criticise or blame, just calmly talk about what is bothering you and how you can work together to avoid the issues from reappearing over and over again.
3. Physical Touch is a powerful thing in all relationships, including with friends or family. Even just sitting close together while resolving your problems and looking at each other in the eye, will soften the conversation and ease any tension that could have been there.
4. Working as a team, it’s the small gestures that you can do for each other that can make your relationship stronger. I.e. cooking dinner, helping each other with household chores, taking turns with the children’s bed time/bath time routines, saying good bye each morning- the three second kiss! Or even just a cuddle. Get this stuff right and is will deepen all other aspect of your relationship!
5. Focus on being kind, generous and positive. Look for the good things in your partner not the negatives. We are all far from perfect, and we know it. Remember what made you both fall in love in the 1st place and try to recreate those actions and feelings you had then. Be your best self today and your future self with thank you for it!
If you can honestly say you have tried hard to work on your relationship and you know deep down that you have truly just lost that loving feeling, then maybe it is time to go your separate ways.
My name is Kimberlee Sweeney; I am New Zealand’s only resident CDC certified divorce coach. For 24 years I have been a beauty therapist, coaching many clients over that time. After going through my own divorce some years ago, I recognised there is a huge lack of support for those going through a relationship separation, outside of the legal system. Whether it’s a marriage or a long term relationship it’s still just as hard to exit with your pride and dignity in tack, and often we need additional support outside of family and friends who is removed from your situation and can help you focus on what is important.
I work with clients to teach them how to lessen the conflict and communicate with their ex-partner, more calmly and help them get clarity on what their own needs are coming out of the relationship! Often clients don’t understand the process or realise quite how difficult it is going to be both financially and emotionally. Things often don’t go as smoothly as you thought they would, even if you have both pre planned and discussed the how’s and what’s. Circumstances change and people change their minds, and this can make it difficult to navigate the entire process on your own.
As a separation and divorce coach I can help direct you to experts if you need a lawyer or financial adviser etc., and help you prepare for those meetings before hand. By getting you focused and thinking clearer about what your needs are and what questions you might have! I can be your support person in those meetings and help you get the outcome you desire! I won’t allow you to throw in the towel and walk away with nothing; we will focus on your future goals and dreams and help you to achieve them. You will be future focused as well as figuring out who you are and where you want to go!
If you have children from the relationship I can help you to think about their needs and what is most important for them. Help you prepare your children for living between two household and putting plans in place for their wellbeing and co-parenting needs.
Whether you are contemplating separating or in the process of it, there is so much to think about and plan for it’s often hard to know where to start and what to do. I can help you get that clarity and focus. Only you know what is right for you, it’s the end of your relationship and no one knows or understands it better than you! But it is imperative that you get some clarity on the outcome you want for yourself and your children (if any), and in every aspect of your life. To then work on preparing for it with someone like me, your coach, so you get it right and it doesn’t drag on for years with unnecessary conflict for you or your children. And allow the new chapter of your life to begin!