SEPARATED, but feeling like you are still living in the same misery?

Kimberlee Sweeney,  CDC© Divorce Coach, Relationship coach

As a divorce coach I can assist those going through separation and divorce and the many varying stages of these processes. From thinking about initiating separation, to going through it and also the coming out the other side of it phase too.

You may not have been lucky enough to have a divorce or relationship coach such as myself,  by your side during the tumultuous separation but you can still have me on hand to help you rebuild your life. When children are involved in a separation it makes it even harder. Why? Well mostly because you may have left your Ex-spouse but really have they gone away? NO! Who knew things were going to still be this hard after you’ve split? Right! This is often a worse time than the split itself! AND it can go on for years! Yes YEARS!

You can’t change your EX but you can change what you do and say and how YOU react, and that’s where I come in. As your coach I am here to help you reframe old conversations that were difficult and unhelpful and to prepare you to skilfully handle the next difficult conversation / communication with your Ex.   Developing communication skills particularly around difficult conversations is essential if you have children together.  You will have to maintain regular contact and communication with your former partner. They will not just disappear (as many of us hoped) from your lives when you separate. Depending on what age your children are, you both may have to sit at school prize giving, graduations, engagement parties and low and behold they may even attempt marriage themselves someday (if you both do a good job of showing them it doesn’t all have to be so bad).

If you are unable to communicate effectively with your Ex, then get help now!  Your children will benefit and so will you. Do not allow years of anger and resentment to blemish your life.  Become a better person and move out of the anger phase of divorce and into the resolution and acceptance phase and make  a better life for yourself and your children.

Your kids need you to be there for them in the same way you were when you were married; they need you to be strong and to take good care of yourself so you are more able to take good care of them. I KNOW single parenting is hard; juggling it all on your own, it is hard!  However, this is your life for now and it’s their life too.  Show them how strong you can be for them, make the small changes you all need for a more stable home environment.

My coaching also helps family put in place co-parenting plans, so that there are clear understandings of how you are both going to co-parent together, but apart.  How you are going to do what is best for your children as they grow and how you can both be the best parents you can be to them?

What children do not need is uncertainty about whose house they will be at and when, how long before they see Mummy or Daddy again, and they certainly do not need either of their parents bad mouthing the other in front of them or being made the “go-between”. Do not communicate via your children; it’s so wrong on so many levels. If your aim is to still bring well balanced, well rounded little people into this world, then put your “crap” aside and think about what is best for your kids.

As your divorce coach I will help you let bad habits of old go, and help you create new healthy habits and  boundaries for you, your children and your ex. Just because you are separated doesn’t always mean it’s going to be easier, it all takes time and with sound support I will get you living the life you deserve again!  Your children will see the changes in you and subconsciously they will change their ways and be happier and more at ease with their new life too. It’s up to you as the parent to put your best foot forward and show them HOW to BE.

During my coaching a lot of my clients remark on how better behaved, or less sensitive or less anxious their children have become, and it all comes down to the fact that my coaching is helping you become a better version of yourself and you are feeling more confident, more independent, more resilient, which in turn your children pick up on and mirror. If Mum and Dad are calm, in control and moving forward then so will the children.

Do what’s right for you and your family, read self-help books, seek some personal coaching, talk with others that have mastered co-parenting.

Are you ready to make the change?  Book a one on one FREE discovery session with me and see if I can help you be the best you can be and live the life you deserve.

I believe in you and I am here to help you and your family.

Kimberlee Sweeney

CDC© Divorce Coach, Relationship Coach, Business Mentor

www.degreesofseparation.co.nz

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