– Yet make some kind of impact that we can grow and learn from!
With Kimberlee Sweeney
This happens to us all throughout our lives and a wise woman* (whom I will give credit to at the end of this blog post, as I am about to steal her wise words) has recently reminded me of the whys and how’s.
I have previously blogged how we sometimes have to let people go who are no longer contributing to sustainable relationships. Whether they are friends, lovers or even extended family, we must sometimes recognise when it’s no longer healthy or what is best for our own state of mind and theirs too.
Today it’s more about reflecting on why these people do come into our lives at certain times and being able to accept that letting them go is frequently, just the natural order of things. Occasionally, as friends and sometimes as lovers or even professionally, we meet people whom we click with and for some reason or another, you can both be at a stage in your lives where both parties are getting what they need from the relationship. Often one person more than the other has greater needs, and the other can be hard at work supporting them and propping them up emotionally when they do need it. This is a common order of friendships and sometimes how AMAZING friendships develop. BUT sometimes you need to recognise when it no longer seems healthy and is more one sided than you had originally acknowledged. Some of us are naturally more giving than others and lead with our hearts and this is not a bad thing. But you must recognise when you are the one constantly giving and not receiving much in return. If it starts to bog you down and your gut is telling you one thing and your head another. Then you must step aside an access the relationship, for your own wellbeing! And if you are the person who has been on the receiving end of the majority of the support and goodness and not giving back quite as much as you were possibly able at the time, but feel the need to let go and end the relationship/friendship then do it in a way that is respectful and with gratitude. We all accept some relationships must come to an end but how much better is it when they can end respectfully and graciously? Treat others as you wish to be treated! Is a good motto to try and live by!
If I may quote a wise woman’s words, as I truly couldn’t have said it better myself:
“Lessons we learn: Some friends come into our lives when they’re vulnerable. The resulting connection can be very strong, as it’s natural to bond under pressure and challenges. Once the person recovers, they may sever the connection with you (or reduce it to a superficial level) – you are now a reminder of somewhere they don’t wish to return. The pain for the person who has been left/rejected can be immense. Allow yourself to grieve the friendship – spend time with nourishing people who do still need you in their lives; allow some quiet contemplation; cry if you need to; spend time in nature if that helps. Allow your sore heart to heal, and you will come out the other end stronger and wiser. It’s not something we can plan or anticipate, and it happens too many, of us.
*”Go well worrier, you made a difference, even if it doesn’t feel like it just yet!”
** the above sentence is quoted ..By Suzi Wallis – counsellor and family therapist, whom I have much respect for and refer clients to when needed. Let Suzi help you along your life journey @ http://www.lifejourney.co.nz/