Find the JOY in your relationship – by letting go of perfection.

I’ve spent many many hours in my career listening to women complain about their partners and how their needs are not being met. And I have also listened to men say they just don’t understand women, even if they have been married to them for 15 or more years, they still don’t understand their thinking.  Well I am here to tell you we are meant to be different, how boring would life be if men and woman thought the same. It’s all about accepting our differences and learning to work with and love our differences. It’s about letting some stuff go, like the empty toilet roll. Solution – leave a full one on top of the toilet system at all times, he will never replace it, just let it go. OR the scratched front left mag wheel on her car, don’t get it buffed out as she will just go and scratch it all over again and you will get angry all over again. Just let it go, it’s truly not worth getting a divorce over is it? Just learn to love each other for all the great qualities you both have. No one and nothing is perfect!  Let go of perfection!

Perfection is impossible in all aspects of life, especially if you are raising children. The house cannot be perfectly tidy 24/7, the washing is never ending. This is your life now and you can’t change it, you have to learn to roll with it and work as a team through the busy times and the hard times, so you can enjoy the good times.  And remember you are not alone in this. Most  families go through the exact same day to day grind, don’t compare, just focus on your own family and it will work out fine.

This is how different men and woman are;
A busy woman will come home from a busy day and just keep going. She cannot sit down and relax till things are done, and if nobody is helping her she becomes quiet, angry and resentful.  As a man you actually know this so you hide from said angry busy woman (by switching on the news VERY loud) but let me tell you this will not help your cause, as she will just get angrier and it will spiral.

A man comes home from a busy day and he needs to sit down for a while and tune out, this is how he downloads from his day, I personally think this is why they invented the 6 o’clock news, they are not really interested in all the doom and gloom in the world but it’s mindless noise that helps them switch off from the world for an hour.  Unfortunately it’s the worst hour of the night for working parents. But this is what a guy may need to switch off from his day and you must allow him this if you are to have any chance of co-operation.

My solution: Men record the news; watch it after dinner or when the children are off to bed. Work together when you arrive home to get kids sorted and dinner on the table, eat together as a family and connect. Once mum is putting kids to bed watch said exciting news and then PLEASE do the dishes so mum can relax on the couch after putting each child back to bed at least three times each. Let her do her download and watch her mindless sitcom or read her book. Then you both have had yours needs met and can happily spend some quality time together. OR do the kids bedtime routine and dishes together so you can both sit down and watch mindless TV together, or just sit and talk over a glass of wine. Now there’s a new concept! Quality time! Yes it is possible if you can work together.

So give up on perfection; let the house be untidy sometimes. Get a cleaner if you both despise cleaning and it causes constant arguments. If you can’t afford a cleaner then come to a mutual agreement of who will do what, do it together and get the job done faster. Where there is a will there is a way. Just don’t be a martyr, and then complain about what isn’t going well. Put things in place to support each other.

Making a relationship work does take a bit of work, every day. Individuals do need down time and quality time with friends, it’s all about being loving, flexible and communication if you want the JOY in your life to shine through, it’s up to you to make it happen.

If you need additional individual support putting things in place to improve your relationship, book a one on one session with me.

Kimberlee
Relationship coach
Coach@degreeofseparation.co.nz
www.degreesofseparation.co.nz

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