Kimberlee Sweeney, Divorce and Relationship Coach.
How do you know if the person you’ve been dating is ‘the One’?
What do you need from a partner and how can you look for the signs that you are dating someone who is worthy of you? Take some time to reflect on the following points and you will be one step closer to finding ‘the One’!
1. Establish what you both think constitutes a serious relationship. Find out how compatible your ideas and your potential partner’s idea of a serious relationship are? What do you both envisage long term? Are there any red flags highlighting differing values and ideas about your relationship? Take note of those red flags. They are showing up for a reason and need to be acknowledged and addressed.
2. Are you able to be your authentic self around this person, all of the time? Are you able to relax and drop the first date façade? Are you comfortable with them enough to be relaxed and at ease showing who you really are, with zero judgement on their part? Scoffing a big fat burger without being self-conscious, having a few too many bevvies on occasion and not feeling self-conscious or judged by it. Being able to speak your mind and rant about your day and feel like you are being truly listened to and not judged again! Are they there for you no matter what state you are in mentally or physically? Do they bring out the best in you, and do you bring out the best in them?
3. Do they support your life choices, career, family, hobbies, friends? This doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. It’s simply about supporting each other’s interests. Someone who is your cheer leader in all that you do, will bring out the best in you and allow you to do the same for them.
4. Which leads onto communication. A supportive partner is not only there to listen but is also there to respond and engage. Whether it’s face to face, or via email or texts. Communication styles are important. You need to have open and honest communication without judgment. You also need to be able to have some light-hearted banter. A precursor to a relationship ending is Stonewalling. If one partner has fallen into this habit the writing is on the wall. Trust me I am a divorce coach after all.
5. All couples argue and fight. Hopefully not too often or too hard, but it would be unhealthy to not fight at all. Pent up frustration and someone not being honest with themselves or their true feelings can lead to contempt, long term. A wee disagreement is healthy. Big fights often denote a red flag. It’s all about how you both deal with a fight or lack thereof. To avoid holding grudges or being on the defensive you both need to talk through big issues and see each other’s point of view. Letting stuff go and not letting egos take over, is vital for relationships to flourish.
6. They should be the first person you want to share news with, good and bad. They should be your biggest supporter and your sounding board. You shouldn’t be still using your bestie or your mum as much as this person. Your partner should be your go-to-person, your safe zone as you get deeper into the relationship. They should be there to celebrate with you and commiserate with you. You should be able to share the most intimate parts of your life with them and feel comfortable doing so. IF not, this is a RED FLAG to address!
7. Finally, Food for thought, if you are not feeling it… do a values exercise. I love re-doing my values list as my life, transitions, and I grow as an individual. What are your current values? Do you think your values align? Do you feel you deserve a partner that understands and respects your values? Here’s a list of core values for you to pick from… what are your core values?
If you embark on some relationship coaching with me, I can provide you with a great core values exercise that we can work on together and help you to brainstorm what your ideal partner, your ideal relationship and your ideal new life might look like, within your current relationship or for future ones.