A Not So Happy New Year? by Kimberlee

happynewyearWith the New Year brings…. goals, resolutions, new jobs, fresh starts, and changes to your family or living situation. There’s the good in all of the above forward focusing (planning a family/settling down, buying a new home together) …. And then there is the flip side….. Married or not, some of us wake up in the New Year (quite literally) and start to think about what is best for ME? And sometimes that makes many realise that often the relationship they are currently in is maybe not what is best after all!

Regardless of whether you are the one making this extremely hard decision or on the opposite side of the fence and have had this decision unwillingly made for you, or it’s a mutual one, this phase of the relationship is hard! Hard to be the bearer of bad news, hard to swallow the forth coming news – you feel lost and not in full control of yourself, your life, your future…

If you are married there could be children involved. How do we tell the children? What next?…. Where do I go?…. Who can help me?…… all these thoughts start swirling around in your head and you begin to feel overwhelmed to the point you cannot focus or get clarity on things. You spiral and begin to feel out of control and you retract into your own self and don’t reach out to ask anyone for help. It could be that you are ashamed or embarrassed, or just don’t know how to look friends and family in the eye and tell them what’s happening. Again, this is hard either way. Regardless of whether you were the instigator or the receiver of such news, it’s an emotional roller coaster and can be a long and lonely journey. However, it doesn’t have to be.

They say that often one person in the relationship has been considering and thinking about ending it for some time. This could be up to two years for long term relationships, especially if children are involved. Often the other partner is unaware and feels completely blindsided by this unexpected news, and is therefore distraught. They cannot understand why their partner, the bearer of this news, is so calm and unemotional. Quite often, this is because they have already grieved for their relationship.

Sometimes couples both know things are not good, but neither are willing to broach the subject in fear the other will come out and say ‘it’s over’. Deep down both parties often know things aren’t great. It’s at that point you need to decide whether you’re willing to sit down and talk it through and explore marriage counselling together to try and work it out, or whether you’re simply too worn out to make it work. If your relationship is at the point of no return, regardless of the relationship length and complexity (i.e. children, pets, length of marriage), splitting belongings and assets can cause conflict and bring out the worst in you both.

Anyone going through a split will benefit greatly from my services as a divorce and separation coach. Through my support you can avoid pitfalls and help put things in place with your lawyers and/or mediators, making this transition go as smoothly as possible.

There will always be some conflict, however through my services this conflict will be minimised. We will work together to devise a plan that is best for your future and that of your children. Separating is never easy when children are involved, however dragging them into a high conflict divorce is not going to help them adjust well to a new way of living. Let me work with you by walking you, step by step, through the various stages of your separation and divorce. I can be your sounding board and support person, and in the process save you thousands in costs associated with unnecessarily highly charged conflict. Work with me to have a less stressful, more amicable, divorce. It’s possible, trust me!

Kimberlee Sweeney @ www.degreesofseparation.co.nz

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